I had sometimes forgotten about this blog. I had definitely given up on this blog. It wasn't doing for me what I had hoped it would. Reading other people's blogs was doing more, so I quit. I'm back now, but can't say for how long. I noticed I last left you hanging on what could have possibly happened at my 2nd chemo. I think I will play catch up slowly, because it is one year and a couple of months after my diagnosis and you would not believe what can happen in a year.
Chemo #2 started with .05 Xanax and a positive attitude. Having gotten through the first round I was ready to move on. But let's cut to the chase, we already know this isn't going to end well- this time with 8 minutes left in the bag the vomiting began. As I tried to leave the facility my calves cramped to the point in which I could not stand or walk and my hands cramped into a clawed position. I was again wheeled out of treatment.
When I finally made it home, I slept for a couple hours and woke up feeling less nauseous, but I was still claw handed.
The next 2 days consisted of tingling, clawing, and leg cramping so severe I had to be carried to the bathroom 100 yards away. The cramping in my calves made me look like An American Werewolf in Paris, my muscles stiffening and undulating to the point they looked as if they may burst out of my skin. And the pain. It was unbearable. All symptoms continued through the week and by the end of the week, although I was finally able to walk unassisted, the pain that resulted from the cramping had made it almost impossible. Things were so bad we videotaped them, just to be sure it was all normal and to be expected, because at one point when I suggested to Jim these drugs were going to kill me, I wasn't kidding.
A variation of these symptoms and many more continued up until right before my next scheduled infusion 2 weeks away. And so at that visit, with video in hand and many stories of what had happened over the past 2 weeks, stories like how my lip curled up all on it's own like Billy Idol's and STAYED THAT WAY, or how the muscles in my calves cramped visibly (not too mention incredibly painfully) for hours on end, or how walking was something I could not do on my own until about a week and a half past treatment..., my onc said I was done. No more. No more Oxaliplatin (the wonder drug, the golden standard!). She said that what I had experienced was more than unusual, that it was in fact, deadly. She said that this drug would not do me any good if it killed me first.
What?! The golden standard gone?! No discussion?! No adjustments?! That's it? I'm out?
You have to understand that cancer patients want it all. No matter what they've gone through they'll go through more if it means even just a 2% increase in survival, but she wasn't having it. After viewing the video, the only word that came out of her mouth was "Scary.".
And so, relieved, but scared shitless to be letting go of any part of my treatment, I continued chemo with just 2 of the recommended drug protocols. 5FU and leucovorin. I got through the next 10 rounds with side effects, but side effects I could handle. The next 6 months should have been a cancer patient's version of a walk in the park-also known as torture, humiliation, disappointment, pain, (which is still far less than most cancer patients experience) you get the picture, but in reality it was actually quite worse than that.
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