So my story starts, apparently, like a lot of others.
Did I have symptoms?
Yes.
Did I ignore them?
Yes.
Am I a dumbass?
Yes.
In my defense I would not say my symptoms were overwhelming, but they were there. The occasional urgency, some blood here and there...
~I know what you're thinkng. You're thinking "Wait. You ignored a little blood here and there? You are a dumbass!" But friends that last baby, albeit 14 years ago, was 11.9! I have hemroids! I've had hemroids. Sometimes those hemroids bleed. They're here to stay. There is just no turning back from something like that!
Anyway, you get the picture.~
It wasn't until my gynecologist had the audacity to give me, a 47 year
Was I in denial?
Probably.
Truth be told this wasn't the first time my gynecologist got friendly with my other nether region. 2 years prior that same test came back negative, or was it 3?
No matter, August of 2014 my fecal occult test came back positive. I made an appointment with a gastroentologist in Skokie. They could do the colonoscopy in November. But it turned out it wasn't a colonoscopy I ended up actually being scheduled for and this was a problem because I needed a ride for a colonoscopy. And getting a ride, an open date, any free time is not something that happens very easily in this house. So I cancelled that appointment and made one for December with a local doc Indiana side. Colonoscopy was scheduled for January- no real rush. I'm young, a religious vegetarian (almost 8 years now), exercise (sometimes), I'm not even obese. I have no "true" symptoms. I have "no family history". Enjoy the holidays!
Turns out my paternal grandfather died of colon cancer at 59. For some reason I thought he had stomach cancer. For some other reason my mom and aunt (his very own daughter) thought he died of heart problems.
Now, here comes the first of what will probably be a pretty long line of demands I will be making on you:
Get your family health history straight folks! It's a life saver.
1 day before the colonoscopy was to be performed I was called and told the surgi center "was not in our insurance network, did I want to follow through?" Hell no. Our family endured 2 separate surgeries last summer. Financially "out of network" is out of the question.
Jim immediately got on a new insurance search and a couple weeks and $500.00 more a month later we were covered. Everywhere. I rescheduled the colonoscopy for March and dreaded the mere thought of it for the next 8 weeks.
In another post I promise to reveal to you, the innocent and inexperienced never- had -a -colonoscopy- sect, the
For now let's just say my doc did his job and then after I woke back up told us that a "30 mm sessile polypoid lesion was found in my recto-sigmoid colon". That it would have to be removed surgically and that it was "likely malignant". He told us to schedule a CEA blood test, a CT scan and an appointment with a surgeon. Like now.
Directly after hearing this we drove a few miles away to our local lab and did the CEA test. I remember very little of it. And after that we drove to a local diner where I promptly ate a patty melt. I remember eating the patty melt, but the memory comes to me in a dream-like state with foggy softness around the edges and a feeling of remoteness as if I wasn't really there. This is probably due to a certain degree of shock, but mostly because of the excellent drugs administered prior to colonoscopy!
The rest of the night sucked. We Googled, told the kids, Googled, told my sister, Googled some more and then I tried to sleep. I woke up every little bit to complete terror and sadness. I don't want to die. Not just yet. I can't leave my kids or my husband. Not just yet. I need more time. Please.
Today, Sunday, March 29 2015 my doctor called to confirm that I do indeed have cancer. (Did I just write that?)
At this point we're hoping I get to see the surgeon this week, schedule the surgery within the next 2 and be cancer free ASAP.
At this point I'm doing ok.
In the daylight hours.
On and off.
Definitely better when I'm not noticing every single physical twinge and wondering "Is that it?! Can I feel it?".
Night time is the worst.
I wake up at least a couple times a night and the absolute very first thought that crosses my mind is cancer. As Jim says it's like a blaring red alarm. It's almost as if it's what's actually waking you.
All I can say is thank God for electronic devices.
If I didn't have this iPad nobody would be getting any sleep.
